Four steps for LDS parents for addressing a pornography addiction in their teen

Because of the ever increasing amount of sexual content on the internet and in the media, many LDS parents are faced with the difficult and uncomfortable task of having to address sexual behavior problems in their children including pornography addiction.  Many are uncertain about how to handle these situations and where to turn for help.

Among the behavior problems include:

-Repeated viewing of pornography
-Compulsive masturbation
-Sexual experimentation
-Sexting
-Cybersex
-Inappropriate internet sexual behaviors
-Fetishes
-Voyeurism
-Sexual boundary issues within the family or with other youth
-Hypersexual behavior

Most parents know the basics for protecting their children from predatory adults on the Internet, but few understand what to do if a child or teenager repeatedly seeks out pornography, phone sex, or risky physical encounters.  How can parents differentiate between typical sexual curiosity and a serious problem that requires professional help?  Listed below are four steps LDS parents can follow for helping a teen struggling with sexual behavior problems.

1. Monitor your teen’s behavior.

Parents need to be aware of what their children are viewing on the internet and in the media.  Using internet accountability programs such as Covenant Eyes are strongly recommended.   Parents need to be aware of who their children are spending time with and what types of activities in which their children participate.  Parents will also want to re-evaluate the types and amounts of media they have allowed in the home.

2. Talk to your teen.

Parents need to be responsible for assuring their children have received a comprehensive sex education.  Parents can’t leave this to schools, priesthood leaders or the media.  Parents can’t allow their children’s knowledge of sexuality to be largely provided by what they see and hear in the media.   In some cases, parents and teens will already have experienced serious communication breakdown.   How parents approach their teens regarding concerns about sexual behavior issues will likely determine whether unhealthy patterns of communications will continue to disrupt and frustrate the relationship or whether a new foundation of openness, trust, and safety can be built and sustained throughout the struggle.  It is true that everyone may feel awkward or uncomfortable.  Regardless of the discomfort, however, when there is evidence of illicit sexual behavior and possible addiction, parents have to take the lead and the communication needs to occur.

3. Get your teen help.

Professional intervention is often needed for managing sexual behavior issues in teens.  Some parents make the mistake of denying or minimizing the seriousness of the problems.  While some youth are able to break the habit through working with their bishop and the repentance process, other youth require more intensive attention than what the bishop can offer.  It is far wiser to seek a professional evaluation, than to take the risk of brushing off the emergence of sexual problem that can have long-lasting consequences.   Waiting until a youth is serving a mission to discover that the problems are still present is devastating to the entire family.  It is better to be proactive in making sure that youth have the skills to manage addictive behaviors.  Most pornography and sexual addiction first manifests during adolescence and prevention is the best method of intervention.  The Youth Pornography Addiction Screening (YPAST) is a free tool that can be used to assess for a possible pornography addiction in teens.

4. Become educated.

Pornography and sexual addiction is a phenomenon that is not understood by much of the population.  Parents need to understand that addiction to pornography can have some of the same characteristics as a drug addiction.  Parents need to realize that their teen is likely suffering from extreme shame and embarrassment.  Parents need to learn about the science behind pornography addiction and then become a source of support for assisting their teen in the creation of a recovery plan that allows them to work to achieve healthy sexuality in their life.

Mending The Armor is a program that has been designed to help LDS youth and young adults overcome an addiction to pornography.  

Programs for teen porn addictions

Are there programs for teen pornography addictions?

Treatment programs for teen sexual compulsive behaviors such as porn or masturbation addiction are designed to help the youth overcome compulsions that are very similar to drug and alcohol addictions. However, “process addictions” as they are often referred to, are treated differently as they involve processes that are normal for humans to participate in such as sexual activity.  The addiction emerges when the teen develops a compulsion to repeat the act until it begins to impede their emotional development as it becomes a form of coping with life stresses and begins to interfere with their relationships and day-to-day functioning.  Unfortunately, due to the abundance of internet pornography teens are beginning to develop sexual addictions at younger and younger ages wherein participation in sexual behaviors is harmful to their development. Treating process addictions such as pornography or cyber-sexual addiction requires a different approach than drug addiction recovery.  Programs for treating teen pornography addiction range from outpatient treatment such as the Mending The Armor program to intense wilderness therapy experiences such as STAR Guides wilderness. 

What is porn addiction?

Porn addiction is a sex addiction that is specific to viewing pornography.  It is the compulsion to view pornographic material and to masturbate to it with little regard to financial, social and other obligations. Like a true addiction, the pornography consumes a teens thoughts and acations.  Addicted youth will spend hours viewing and masturbating to porn usually in secret and hidden from the knowledge of their parents. The stimulation provides a pleasure that is similiar to the high that drug addicts experience.  Teen porn addicts feel driven to this compulsive behavior to obtain that pleasure again and again. However, each time, the pleasure becomes harder to achieve, leading to more masturbation and porn to achieve the desired euphoria.

How do you treat teen porn addiction?

For most teens addicted to porn, there is typically an underlying psychological issue that drives the porn addiction. In some cases, youth are victims of childhood abuses, in other cases youth were exposed to pornography at a very early age. Due to the ease of access to pornography, some youth simply become addicted out of curiosity.  

Treatment for porn addiction begins with a comprehensive psycho-sexual assessment to determine the underlying conditions driving the addiction.  This assessment provides parents with a guide for the treatment needs of the addicted teen.  Typically, the recommendations for treatment include participation in psychotherapy services in the form of individual therapy, group therapy and family therapy sessions. These sessions may take quite some time to complete. For many teens, learning to manage this addiction can take several months and a great deal of hard work.  The STAR Guides and Mending The Armor programs utilize a combination of these therapies with a particular focus on group therapy. Group therapy is especially helpful to the teen porn addict, as it reverses the solitary nature of that addiction. The compulsion to view porn and masturbate is a private, solo act. In group treatment, the act is no longer personal. This helps tremendously in healing.

Whether the youth is treated in a wilderness or outpatient setting, the mental health portion of porn addiction recovery is the most important and cannot be duplicated without the help of a professional.

The goal of pornography addiction recovery is to teach the teen to survive in a world where sex is a normal function, without developing a dependency on sexual behaviors for emotional coping. This means learning control and self-discipline over the addiction through lifestyle changes and development of healthy coping skills to help the young addict stay on the road to recovery.

See the "Redflags" Early --Don't Minimize Pornography Addiction

The problem with any addiction is that most people don’t know just how far down the rabbit hole they’ve traveled until it’s too late. An addict will justify their situation, or trivialize it. “It’s just a little alcohol. It’s not like I need it every second!” “Everyone does it. No need to worry.” “I can stop when I want to.”

In the case of pornography, most addicts get stuck in a cycle, and can’t begin the process of recovery until they realize the severity of their problem. Indeed, with pornography so prevalent in today’s media culture, one can easily slip into a vast pit of darkness without realizing they ever fell away from the light.

Part of the problem arises from a misguided sense of denial, or an unwillingness to recognize the full extent of the problem. Denying that the problem exists allows addicts to avoid the discomfort of the shame and embarrassment that are involved with admitting to a pornography addiction.

In actuality, modern society makes it difficult to recognize the dangers of pornography addiction. Online websites and even health care and psychology professionals continue to claim the viewing of adult material as perfectly normal, while motion pictures and television shows make light of sexual addiction, creating a sense that pornography is merely a part of our culture, thus making it difficult for an addict to recognize his or her problem — the notion that “everyone does it” remains a misguided justification.

Once an addict finally recognizes the severity of the problem, it’s important for them to seek help. Unfortunately, denial can limit progression and lead to more years of abuse. “I used to look at pornography, but I don’t do it very often anymore, so it’s not really an addiction.” The correct thinking should be, “I know I am vulnerable to viewing pornography and could easily relapse, so I have to be constantly careful to avoid being in situations where I am exposed to it.”

What many people don’t understand is that breaking the shackles of pornography addiction often requires a lifetime of management to overcome. The temptation to view pornography never subsides, meaning an addict must work on controlling their desires on a daily basis — without minimizing the overall problem.

Minimizing can be just as dangerous as denial. By making a harmful action seem less significant, we hope to lessen the consequences that may result. Often times an addict uses the words “only” or “just” while minimizing in order to lessen the blow of his or her actions.

In the television series “Breaking Bad,” the main character Walter White, who transforms from timid chemistry teacher to criminal mastermind, continually minimizes his actions. Even when said actions lead to death and the destruction of his loved ones. He claims his actions are done “only for the love of his family,” and never fully comprehends just how far he’s fallen until it’s too late.

If we deceive ourselves that our hurtful or irresponsible behaviors are no big deal, then we won’t work on changing them.  Young people struggling with pornography addiction will often minimize the problem, and say, “I only look at pornography on occasion-it’s not like I’m doing it all the time-I’m not addicted.”                   

It is possible to become addicted to pornography after only viewing it once. Even the occasional viewing is highly dangerous as it warps the mind’s overall understanding of sex, turning one of God’s greatest gifts into a vile and repulsive act that results in shame and guilt. 

The correct thought for all men and women (no matter their age) should be, “Any viewing of pornography is a serious issue and only increases my chances of forming an addiction.”

As the prophet Gordon B. Hinkley once said, “Stay away from pornography as you would avoid a serious disease. It is as destructive. It can become habitual, and those who indulge in it get so they cannot leave it alone. It is addictive.”

If you are struggling with a pornography addiction, or know someone who is, don’t trivialize it. Seek help immediately so you may enjoy a life free of guilt and shame, full of happiness, friends, and love. 

Q & A: What is the typical profile of a youth who seeks treatment for pornography addiction?

While each youth who seeks treatment for pornography addiction is unique, generally speaking we can characterize these young people in the three following ways:

1.       Most youth we work with are raised with strong moral and family values.  They have been taught to avoid pornography and have been raised with a belief that sexual activity should not occur during adolescence, but rather later in life as a married adult.   Because of this belief system, the formation of a pornography addiction during adolescence creates internal conflict because pornography use contradicts the moral values that have been a part of their upbringing.  In turn this creates a sense of shame, guilt, fear, anxiety and depression.  The reality is that there are many young people who regularly use pornography, but simply do not view it as a problem or issue, and as a result, see no need to get help or even stop viewing.  Many of these youth do not adhere to the same moral standards as the youth who seek treatment.  While pornography is obviously a moral issue, the more that we learn about the impact of pornography on the brain, human behavior and development, the more it becomes apparent that pornography addiction among youth is a developmental issue and not simply a moral issue.  We also are finding that even those who don’t adhere to high standards of morality also experience significant negative ramifications later in their adult years from pornography addiction including divorce, depression and sexual dysfunction.

2.       Most youth we work with have unsuccessfully attempted to stop viewing pornography multiple times on their own and have come to realize that they can’t break the addiction on their own and need help.  It is rare when we have a youth seek treatment who hasn’t already tried to break the addiction on their own.  The youth who seek treatment for pornography addiction have come to fully realize that it a real addiction and that left on their own, they are simply unable to kick the habit.  This realization becomes a primary motivator for their seeking help to overcome the addiction.

3.       Most youth we work with are highly motivated to be successful in their lives and view their habitual use of pornography as an impediment to achieving their goals and personal potential.  Pornography addiction treatment tends to be a service that only those who are truly concerned about self-actualization pursue.  As a result, many of the youth we work with in our pornography addiction treatment programs are actually functioning fairly well in most areas of their lives.  Most are law abiding citizens, respectful, kind and thoughtful, excellent students with good grades and actively striving to improve themselves.  Were it not for their pornography addiction, we would not likely see these youth in our treatment clinic.  We encounter youth who seek treatment for other issues such as substance abuse or mental health issues that are also regularly using pornography; however, these youth are not concerned about their use of pornography and don’t believe that the use of pornography is an issue that needs to be addressed in a treatment setting.

Three reasons why today's teens are more vurnerable than past generations for developing a pornography addiction

Mental health counselors and psychotherapists are seeing a pattern of increasing numbers of teens and young adults seeking treatment for problems related to pornography addiction and its accompanying behaviors.   This pattern suggests a need for further analysis as to why this is occurring and what the long-term ramifications of this may be.  Studies already suggest that most adults struggling with sexual addiction first developed the addiction during adolescence.  Does this pattern predict an epidemic of future sexual addiction as these teens move into adulthood?

The Youth Pornography Addiction Center was founded in 2010 and has been studying this trend and providing treatment to teens and young adults in this area since that time.  Based on its experience, listed below are three reasons why this trend is occurring:

1.Access—Pornography has always been available, but until the age of the internet, had to be accessed in magazines, video tapes and often required entry into adult books stores and was difficult for teens to obtain.  Never before has sexually explicit material been so readily available and easily accessed.   A majority of teens and young adults have laptops, smart phones, I-pads and are constantly connected to the internet.  In a matter of seconds and virtually anywhere, pornography can viewed.  Internet porn is the medium by which most youth view pornography and most of it free of charge and without accountability for age of the viewer.

2.Potency of today’s Porn—There is a drastic difference between today’s online porn and the porn of just a few decades ago. Now, youth can go to countless websites and find more free porn than they could ever find the time to watch….all in high definition video. They can even pick their favorite template, hair color, sexual activity, and just watch video after video of it. It’s all free, easy to access, available within seconds, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and can be viewed on phones at any age.  Addicted teens find themselves driven to view more and more pornography and becoming more and more secretive and deceitful in their efforts to do so.  It is true that erotic photos and videos have been around a long time, but the dopamine arousal from turning the pages of a Playboy magazine can’t hold a candle to the steady stream of ever changing erotic stimulation that is so easily obtained from searching for and viewing online porn. This is why online erotica can create such powerful addictions in teens.  Today’s porn doesn’t satisfy teens’ needs; it distorts them. Teens are particularly vulnerable as the strength of the dopamine high is likely the strongest, most euphoric sensation they have ever experienced in their young lives. Skeptics need to understand this “high” rivals anything that could be achieved with drugs.

3.Diminished authentic relationships—The rising generation has been using technology on a daily basis for their entire lives and it is interfering with their ability to connect with others in a face to face and intimate manner.   Many teens text far more than they talk.  Some send more than 1000 texts a day.  Many teens spend hours and hours playing video games and interacting with “virtual friends” on Facebook while sitting at home alone and isolated from “real friends”.   Intimacy and connectedness can not occur in virtually or in cyberspace.  The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, which surveyed more than 12,000 high school students throughout the country, has noted that feelings of “connectedness” (feeling close to people at school, fairly treated by teachers, and loved and wanted at home) helped significantly to lower an individual’s likelihood of emotional distress, early sexual activity, substance abuse, violence, and suicide.  Another recent study found in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine has suggested that the more screen (computer, video game, cell phone) exposure teenagers get, the more detached they are from those round them.  There appears to be a relationship between adolescent screen time and the diminished social involvement with parents and peers.  Sexual addiction experts suggest that among the core issues driving the addiction is the lack of intimacy and fear of connectedness.

Mending The Armor is an outpatient treatment program that has been specifically designed to provide LDS youth and young adults with a formal approach for learning to manage and overcome an addiction to pornography and other unwanted sexual behaviors.  This program is currently being offered in eighteen locations in the United States and Canada.  See the Locations page on the website to find an office near you.  If you are therapist interested in providing this service in your office, see the Become A Provider page for information on how to join the Mending The Armor network

Mending The Armor helps therapists grow their practice by offering programs for treating Pornography Addiction

Because of the sexualization of our culture, the ease of access to explicit media and the potency of today's pornography, more and more people are seeking help for addiction to pornography.  Unfortunately, pornography addiction is a problem that has become a major factor in the destruction of marriages and families.  It is anticipated that the need for effective treatment for those addicted will significantly increase in the years to come.

The Mending The Armor program provides therapists with a formal structured approach to working with individuals struggling with pornography addiction.  The program provides separate tracks for teens, young single adults and married adults. 

The program utilizes the Breaking Free workbook which is a curriculum that provides clients with a step by step, structured approach to learning to manage the addiction.  There are versions of this workbook uniquely designed for teens, young single adults, and married adults.  

Therapists in the Mending The Armor network are provided an initial comprehensive training to become qualified to provide treatment.  Additionally, each month, therapists receive a one hour CEU training to continue to grow their knowledge and skill in the area of pornography addiction treatment.  Mending The Armor providers can earn up to 16 CEU credits annually. 

The Mending The Armor program is set up to be easily implemented into any already existing outpatient counseling clinic and is currently being provided in 18 office locations around the United States.

To learn more about the Mending The Armor program and becoming a provider follow the link below or call 800.584.4629.

Learn more about becoming a provider.

Coming Soon: Breaking Free Workbook for LDS Men

Since its founding last year, The Mending The Armor Program has been specifically focused on treating LDS youth and young adults who are striving to conquer pornography addiction.   Unique because of this focus, the program has spread to 18 offices around the country and is currently assisting many teens and young adults in their battle to achieve a recovery from pornography addiction.  The program has been successful in assisting many youth in breaking free from the addiction and being able to accomplish goals including serving missions and become worthy to participate in priesthood duties.

As a result of the success of the program and the demand for quality treatment for LDS men struggling with pornography addiction, The Mending The Armor program is pleased to announce that it is expanding its services to provide specific, formal treatment for LDS men.  The Breaking Free Workbook for LDS Men is scheduled for release in August 2013.  Using a similar format as the youth program, The Mending The Armor program for LDS Men will utilize the Breaking Free workbook in conjunction with individual, group and family therapy sessions.  Current Mending The Amor providers will have access to this new workbook to expand the program to begin work with LDS men. 

Highlights of the Mending The Armor program include a formal, structured approach for assisting clients to understand the cycle of pornography addiction, the underlying emotional issues that drive the addiction, the thinking errors that accompany the addiction, the development of specific strategies for relapse prevention and the creation of a long-term recovery plan.  In addition, the program provides on-line accountability, support for spouses/families and incorporates LDS principles and doctrine into the treatment while encouraging participation in LDS Addiction Recovery Meetings as a source of on-going support.

Three misconceptions about pornography addiction and LDS youth that intefere with recovery

As part of our efforts to spread the Mending The Armor program, we have had the chance to visit with many parents, church leaders, therapists and youth from various parts of the country on the topic of pornography addiction among LDS youth and young adults.  Based on these conversations, it seems clear that many youth and young adults struggling with the addiction, but we have been surprised by how few actually seek professional treatment for dealing with the addiction.  Here are three misconceptions that we believe explain this:

1.          Yes, it’s a problem………….but is professional intervention really needed?

Too often, the chronic use of pornography by youth is not viewed as an addiction, but rather just a bad habit.   The word “addiction” is strong and there is hesitancy on the part of parents, church leaders and youth to accept that an addiction exists.  Because of shame and embarrassment, youth may minimize or downplay the extent of the problem.  As a result, parents and church leaders are often not fully aware of the depth of the issue resulting in the conclusion that professional help is not necessary.   The unfortunate reality of pornography addiction is that most are unable to break free on their own without help.

2.          “You just need to try harder.”

Overcoming an addiction to pornography can be very difficult.  Too often, those not familiar with the strength of the addiction simplify the process and expect that more desire and more willpower should result in terminating the addiction.  It is hard for those not familiar with addiction to comprehend why some youth continue to relapse into viewing pornography despite every intention to remain abstinent.  While increased commitment and effort are vital to overcoming the addiction, we need to empower our youth with every possible tool for learning to manage the addiction including spiritual support, emotional support, internet accountability and professional intervention.  In fighting pornography addiction, there is no such thing as too much intervention. 

3.          A few months abstinence equals recovery.

Some addicted youth are able to refrain from viewing pornography for several weeks and even months using willpower.  In some cases, young adults serve missions and refrain from viewing pornography for two years only to return home and fall back into the addiction. While this shows a strong effort on their part, too often youth who have not participated in treatment will eventually relapse back into viewing pornography.  It is important for youth, parents and church leaders to recognize the need for those who have been addicted to have the opportunity to analyze and explore the nature of the addiction including the underlying emotional and psychological issues that lead to the formation of the addiction.  Too often, a few months abstinence is misinterpreted as the problem being resolved and thus, no need for participation in professional treatment.