Teen sexual behavior problems: Four steps for LDS Families.

With the ever increasing amount of sexual content on the internet and in the media, many LDS families are faced with the difficult and uncomfortable task of having to address sexual behavior problems in their children including pornography addiction.  Many parents are uncertain about how to handle these situations and where to turn for help.

Among the behavior problems include:

-Repeated viewing of pornography
-Compulsive masturbation
-Sexual experimentation
-Sexting
-Cybersex
-Inappropriate internet sexual behaviors
-Fetishes
-Voyeurism
-Sexual boundary issues within the family or with other youth
-Hypersexual behavior

Most parents know the basics for protecting their children from predatory adults on the Internet, but few understand what to do if a child or teenager repeatedly seeks out pornography, phone sex, or risky physical encounters.  How can parents differentiate between typical sexual curiosity and a serious problem that requires professional help?  Listed below are four steps parents can follow for helping a teen struggling with sexual behavior problems.

1. Monitor your teen’s behavior.

Parents need to be aware of what their children are viewing on the internet and in the media.  Using internet accountability programs such as Covenant Eyes are strongly recommended.   Parents need to be aware of who their children are spending time with and what types of activities in which their children participate.  Parents will also want to re-evaluate the types and amounts of media they have allowed in the home.

2. Talk to your teen.

Parents need to be responsible for assuring their children have received a comprehensive sex education.  Parents can’t leave this to schools, the church or the media.  Parents can’t allow their children’s knowledge of sexuality to be largely provided by what they see and hear in the media.   In some cases, parents and teens will already have experienced serious communication breakdown.   How parents approach their teens regarding concerns about sexual behavior issues will likely determine whether unhealthy patterns of communications will continue to disrupt and frustrate the relationship or whether a new foundation of openness, trust, and safety can be built and sustained throughout the struggle.  It is true that everyone may feel awkward or uncomfortable.  Regardless of the discomfort, however, when there is evidence of illicit sexual behavior and possible addiction, parents have to take the lead and the communication needs to occur.

3. Get your teen help.

Professional intervention is often needed for managing sexual behavior issues in teens.  Some parents make the mistake of denying or minimizing the seriousness of the problems.  While some youth are able to break the habit through working with their bishop and the repentance process, other youth require more intensive attention than what the bishop can offer.  It is far wiser to seek a professional evaluation, than to take the risk of brushing off the emergence of sexual problem that can have long-lasting consequences.   Waiting until a youth is serving a mission to discover that the problems are still present is devastating to the entire family.  It is better to be proactive in making sure that youth have the skills to manage addictive behaviors.  Most pornography and sexual addiction first manifests during adolescence and prevention is the best method of intervention.  The Youth Pornography Addiction Screening (YPAST) is a free tool that can be used to assess for a possible pornography addiction in teens.

4. Become educated.

Pornography and sexual addiction is a phenomenon that is not understood by much of the population.  Parents need to understand that addiction to pornography can have some of the same characteristics as a drug addiction.  Parents need to realize that their teen is likely suffering from extreme shame and embarrassment.  Parents need to learn about the science behind pornography addiction and then become a source of support for assisting their teen in the creation of a recovery plan that allows them to work to achieve healthy sexuality in their life.

The “Iceberg Effect”—A call for parents and church leaders to be proactive in disrupting a pattern of pornography addiction

Research points to the pattern of most pornography and sexual addiction first manifesting during adolescence and young adulthood. A recent UCLA study found that 84% of adults in treatment for sexual addiction issues first experienced their problems during their adolescent and young adulthood years.   However, most individuals don’t seek treatment until later in life.  Additionally, a majority of adolescents in treatment for sexual behavior issues only sought help when the behavior resulted in legal problems such as an arrest for committing a sexual offense.  In the LDS community, often times, it is not until a young man is close to the age of serving a mission before he actively seeks help for a pornography addiction. Recent studies suggest that 93 % of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18.  70% of boys have spent at least 30 consecutive minutes looking at on-line porn on at least one occasion.  35% of boys have done this on at least ten occasions.  83% of boys have seen group sex on the internet.  67% of children admit to clearing their internet history to hide their online activity.  These findings suggest that many young people experience problems with pornography and other sexual issues, but don’t get help unless they get in trouble and wait until later in life when the problems become unmanageable.

As parents, church leaders and professionals, we need to do a better job of identifying youth who could benefit from treatment.  Too often we minimize potential problems rather than seeing the warning signals.  Only a small portion of an iceberg is visible above the surface, while the majority of the ice remains under the surface, unseen, creating the misperception that the iceberg is not very large.  This is similar to many young people’s struggles with sexual behaviors. Parents and church leaders can erroneously conclude that their child’s pattern of viewing pornography is not significant enough to seek professional help, and thus the child continues to develop an addiction to pornography by becoming more sophisticated in concealing his actions.  While it is not unusual for a teen to be curious about pornography, parents need to be cautious to not minimize the behavior when they begin to observe a pattern of viewing pornography.  It is also not unusual for teens to lie and go to great lengths to “cover their tracks” in an effort to keep their developing addiction hidden from others.  Often times, youth only provide information on what they suspect others already know and continue to conceal a large part of their behavior out of fear, shame and fear of the consequences.  Listed are behaviors that can suggest a possible problem with pornography:

—  Living a double or secret life related to pornography use.

—  Tendency to isolate self and stay up late at night on the internet.

—  Hiding or attempting to keep secret the viewing of pornography.

—  An inability to stop viewing pornography despite previous attempts to do so.

—  Denial and anger when asked to stop by parents and adults.

—  Continuing to view pornography despite the known consequences of continued   viewing.

—  Depression, irritability, anger.

—  Hypersexual attitude, vocabulary and behavior.

—  Overprotective of their technology (cell phone, I-pod, lap top, etc.)

Help for LDS teens struggling with pornography addiction is available.  Parents and bishops who have concerns or even suspicions can seek an evaluation with a Mending The Armor therapist to determine if their child would benefit from participation in the Mending The Armor program.

Three reasons why today’s youth are vulnerable to developing addiction to pornography

Mental health professionals are seeing a pattern of more and more teens and young adults seeking treatment for problems related to pornography addiction and its accompanying behaviors.   This pattern leads to the need for further analysis as to why this is occurring and what the long-term ramifications of this may be.  Studies already suggest that most adults struggling with sexual addiction first developed the addiction during adolescence.  Does this pattern predict an epidemic of future sexual addiction?

The Youth Pornography Addiction Center was founded in 2010 and has been studying this trend and providing treatment to teens and young adults in this area since that time.  Based on its experience, listed below are three reasons why this trend is occurring:

1. Access—Pornography has always been available, but until the age of the internet, had to be accessed in magazines, video tapes and often required entry into adult books stores and was difficult for teens to obtain.  Never before has sexually explicit material been so readily available and easily accessed.   A majority of teens and young adults have laptops, smart phones, I-pads and are constantly connected to the internet.  In a matter of seconds and virtually anywhere, pornography can viewed.  Internet porn is the medium by which most youth view pornography and most of it free of charge and without accountability for age of the viewer.
2. Potency of today’s Porn—There is a drastic difference between today’s online porn and the porn of just a few decades ago. Now, youth can go to countless websites and find more free porn than they could ever find the time to watch….all in high definition video. They can even pick their favorite template, hair color, sexual activity, and just watch video after video of it. It’s all free, easy to access, available within seconds, 24 hours a day, 7 days a
   week, and can be viewed on phones at any age.  Addicted teens find themselves driven to view more and more pornography and becoming more and more secretive and deceitful in their efforts to do so.  It is true that erotic photos and videos have been around a long time, but the dopamine arousal from turning the pages of a Playboy magazine can’t hold a candle to the steady stream of ever changing erotic stimulation that is so easily obtained from searching for and viewing online porn. This is why online erotica can create such powerful addictions in teens.  Today’s porn doesn’t satisfy teens’ needs; it distorts them. Teens are particularly vulnerable as the strength of the dopamine high is likely the strongest, most euphoric sensation they have ever experienced in their young lives. Skeptics need to understand this “high” rivals anything that could be achieved with drugs.
3. Diminished authentic relationships—The rising generation has been using technology on a daily basis for their entire lives and it is interfering with their ability to connect with others in a face to face and intimate manner.   Many teens text far more than they talk.  Some send more than 1000 texts a day.  Many teens spend hours and hours playing video games and interacting with “virtual friends” on Facebook while sitting at home alone and isolated from “real friends”.   Intimacy and connectedness can not occur in virtually or in cyberspace.  The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, which surveyed more than 12,000 high school students throughout the country, has noted that feelings of “connectedness” (feeling close to people at school, fairly treated by teachers, and loved and wanted at home) helped significantly to lower an individual’s likelihood of emotional distress, early sexual activity, substance abuse, violence, and suicide.  Another recent study found in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine has suggested that the more screen (computer, video game, cell phone) exposure teenagers get, the more detached they are from those round them.  There appears to be a relationship between adolescent screen time and the diminished social involvement with parents and peers.  Sexual addiction experts suggest that among the core issues driving the addiction is the lack of intimacy and fear of connectedness.

 Mending The Armor is an outpatient treatment program that has been specifically designed to provide youth and young adults with a formal approach for learning to manage and overcome an addiction to pornography and other unwanted sexual behaviors.  This program is currently being offered in twelve locations in the United States and Canada.  See the Locations page on the website to find an office near you.  If you are therapist interested in providing this service in your office, see the Become A Provider page for information on how to join the Mending The Armor network.

Internet Accountability—A key component of recovery for teens striving to conquer pornography addiction

In addition to participation in treatment aspects of the program, Mending The Armor strongly encourages all youth and young adults participating in the program to utilize a form of internet accountability as they work toward recovery. Most young people in early stages of recovery from pornography addiction require external accountability.  Internet accountability is a key component of assisting teens and young adults in achieving a successful recovery.

Mending The Armor has researched a wide range of internet accountability tools to recommend to our clients and their parents.  Covenant Eyes is our choice for this service.   This product includes both internet filtering and accountability allowing parents to control the content of what their youth view on line as well as providing a daily report of all their on-line activity.

Covenant Eyes provides the highest quality service for internet filtering and accountability reporting available. This service can be used on home computers, laptop computers, smart phones, tablets, etc.

For only $10.49 monthly, our clients receive internet filtering services along with a daily accountability report of all internet activity. This report is provided to parents and the therapist. Use our promo code– breakingfree to purchase this service.

Early Intervention for Pornography Addiction—The Best Approach for Preventing Sexual Addiction

Renown psychologist and leader in the field of sexual addiction research and treatment Dr. Victor Cline concluded after many years of working with sexual addicts that “most sexual and pornography addictions begin in middle childhood or early adolescence.”

In recent years, treatment for adults struggling with sexual addiction has gained increased attention and focus from therapists.  However, little has been done relating to treatment services specific to youth.  It is certain that pornography is the gateway to sexual addiction.  It only then makes sense that the most effective way to prevent sexual addiction is to provide intervention to youth who are developing a pornography addiction.

In the LDS church, many young men struggling with pornography addiction do not seek help until they are in active preparation for serving a mission.  In some cases, these young men don’t participate in treatment; they simply use willpower to abstain from viewing pornography.  Unfortunately, many fall back into the addiction upon returning home from their missions.

Due to the onslaught of pornography on the internet and the ease of access, more and more children and teens are being exposed to pornography at a young age.  Pornography addiction can develop at a young age, and left untreated, can result in sexual addiction as an adult.  Recent studies and statistics shed light on just how big of a problem youth

pornography addiction is becoming:

93 % of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18.

70% of boys have spent at least 30 consecutive minutes looking at on-line porn on at least one occasion.

35% of boys have done this on at least ten occasions.

 83% of boys have seen group sex on the internet.

67% of children admit to clearing their internet history to hide their online activity.

79% of accidental exposures to internet porn among kids take place in the home.

The average age a child first sees internet pornography is 11.

 70% of young men ages 18-24 visit pornographic websites on at least a monthly basis.

 
Mending The Armor is an outpatient treatment program that has been specifically designed to provide LDS youth and young adults with a formal approach for learning to manage and overcome an addiction to pornography and other unwanted sexual behaviors.  This program is currently being offered in twelve locations in the United States and Canada.  See the Locations for page on the website to find an office near you.  If you are therapist interested in providing this service in your office, see the Become A Provider page for information on how to join the Mending The Armor network.

Pornography Addiction Treatment for Teens and Young Adults Now Available in Salt Lake and Utah Counties

​Aspen Counseling Services based in Lehi, Utah with offices at Thanksgiving Point has joined the Mending The Armor network and will be providing the Mending the Armor and Star Guides programs in the Southern Salt Lake County and Northern Utah County areas.  Communities served by Aspen Counseling Services include Cottonwood Heights, Murray, South Jordan, Draper, Sandy, Riverton, Herriman, Lehi, American Fork, Highland, Eagle Mountain, Saratoga Springs, Pleasant Grove, Lindon, Orem and Provo.

Aspen Counseling Services features a staff of talented therapists who specialize in working with youth and young adults.  Led by clinical director Kristina Holley, LCSW, staff therapists include: Brian Cherry,LPC, Tim McOmber, APC, Nancy Belliston, LCSW, Joseph Allred, APC, Matthew Rutherford, LPC, and Candice Packer, LCSW.

Youth and young adults in Salt Lake and Utah counties struggling with pornography addiction can now access help and treatment with Aspen Counseling Services.  The office is located at 2940 West Maple Loop Drive Suite L01 Lehi, UT 84046.  The phone number is 801-449-0017.   The website is www.aspencounselingservices.com .

Teen Pornography Addiction Treatment now available in Logan, Utah

Mending The Armor is pleased to announce that the program is now available in Logan, Utah and the surrounding areas including: Richmond, Smithfield, Hyde Park, North Logan, Mendon, Providence, River Heights, Millville, Nibley, Hyrum, Wellsville, Paradise, Garden City Austin Wood, LMFT has joined the network and is providing this service in his office in Logan.  Austin received his master’s degree from the Marriage and Family Therapy program at Utah State University in 2002.  He also has a B.S. in Family and Human Development with a minor in Family Finance.  Austin has worked in a variety of helping services including providing individual therapy and marriage counseling along with group therapy at LDS Family Services.   He and his wife worked as Shelter Managers for CAPSA gaining insight into domestic violence issues.  He has been a therapist and program manager for a residential treatment facility providing therapy for troubled adolescents and their families. His presentations on pornography and its impact on relationships, along with counseling individuals who struggle with sex addiction, has allowed Austin valuable experience in helping individuals overcome this destructive habit.  Austin has a non-judgemental approach and a listening ear.  These attributes, combined with his 10+ years experience, qualify Austin to work with you as your Marriage and Family Therapist.

een Pornography Addiction Treatment now available in San Diego, California and Seattle, Washington.

Mending The Armor is now available in San Diego, California and Seattle, Washington!  We are excited to announce the addition of two new locations to the network and two highly skilled clinicians.

Cindi Christiansen , LMFT has joined the network and is a provider in San Diego.  Cindi has worked in the mental health arena for the last 16 years, with the last 8 years being involved with crisis intervention in the dually diagnosed community.  She has worked extensively with substance abuse, addictions (specifically pornography and sex addictions) and mood disorders.  She also has worked in the areas of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and personality disorders.   Her private practice is currently taking appointments for Thursday, Friday and Saturdays, and has evening appointments available.   She has worked extensively with adolescents and children.  Her practice accepts most major insurances, credit cards and she works on a sliding scale with my cash clients.  In addition to being licensed as a Marriage Family Therapist, she is also a fifth year doctoral student in Clinical Psychology.  She comes to the profession with a wealth of life experience, having successfully raised four children nearly all on her own as a working single mother.

Dave Perry, LMHC has joined the network as a provider in the greater Seattle area.  Dave earned a Bachelor Degree from BYU and a Master Degree in Counseling Psychology from City College of Seattle.  Prior to becoming a therapist, Dave was a successful businessman.  Dave has expertise in sexual addiction, depression, anxiety and marital counseling.  He is married to his high school sweetheart and together they have five children and nine grandchildren.

These programs are available to youth and families in the following areas:

Utah:

 St. George, Hurricane, Santa Clara, Ivins, LaVerkin, Toquerville, Virgin, New Harmony h, Springdale, Washington Utah, Hildale, Leeds, Mesquite Nevada, Colorado City Arizona, Beaver, Minersville, Milford , Garfield County

California:

Valencia, Newhall, Santa Clarita, Castaic, Northridge, San Fernando, Mission Hills, Granada Hills California, Thousand Oaks, Simi Valley, Westlake Village, Case Conejo, Oak Park, Agoura Hills, Camarillo, Calabasas, Malibu, Oxnard, Ventura, Moorpark, Chatsworth, Santa Monica, Chula Vista, El Cajon, La Jolla, Lemon Grove, Paradise Hills, National City, Santee, Spring Valley, Sierra Mesa, Del Cerro, San Carlos, Scripps Ranch, Mira Mesa, Torrey Pines,  Encanto, North Park, Poway, San Diego

Washington:

Seattle, Bellevue, Redmond, Renton,  Federal Way, Tacoma, Lakewood, Lacey, Olympia, Everett, Lynnwood, Kent, Woodinville, Shoreline, Shorewood, Puyallup, South Hill, Kirkland, Ballard, Issaquah, Northbend, Snoqualmie, Sammamish.

 

The pillars of a successful recovery for teen pornography addiction

A strong recovery plan is vital for teens striving to conquer pornography addiction. Because of the support and accountability provided by the treatment, many youth are able to keep their addiction in check during the time they are in treatment. The difficulty lies in the months and years following completion of treatment. One of the most important parts of the treatment process is the creation of a viable recovery plan.

Youth in the program are asked to consider the example of a building being able to endure and withstand the elements over time needs to be built with a strong support system. Many buildings are designed with pillars that bear the weight of the main structure of the building. These pillars have to be strong and firm. If one or more of the pillars is flawed or weak, then the building will not stand, but will eventually crumble. The four pillars that make up a successful recovery plan for teen pornography addiction are: Support, Success, Accountability and Insight. Youth are taught that in order remain abstinent from sexual addictions in the future, they need to develop these four pillars in their lives.

Significant time in the treatment process is spent assisting teens in building each of these four pillars. Youth in the program successfully complete treatment only when they have been able to put together a recovery plan that includes each of the four pillars.  Youth then complete their treatment with a formal, structured plan for their recovery which can guide them well beyond their time in the program.

Treating Pornography Addiction among Teens–Preventing a lifetime of future problems

In the field of substance abuse treatment, marijuana is often referred to as the “gateway” drug as many who become addicted to harder drugs first started with using marijuana as teens and then progressed into more illicit substances.

In the same way, pornography is the “gateway” to a multitude of relationship and sexual behavior problems that can destroy the promise of bright futures for youth.  Men who are addicted to pornography are not able to effectively function as husbands and fathers.  Without healthy husbands and fathers, our society will not thrive.  Our future hinges on young men who can become healthy, functioning husbands and fathers.  We need youth who can become men of integrity.

Helping young people learn to manage and overcome addiction to pornography is among the most important work in the field of youth treatment today.  In this work, we are helping to form youth who can become quality husbands and fathers who are free from sexual addiction.

Too many youth become addicted to pornography and carry this problem into adulthood where is prevents the formation of healthy relationships and often leads to infidelity, divorce, emotional problems and legal issues.  The key is to preventing this all too often occurrence is to catch it early.

We are looking for therapists who want to make a difference.  See the video on the benefits of becoming a provider!

Join Our Network-Become A Provider!