The “Iceberg Effect”—A call for parents and church leaders to be proactive in disrupting a pattern of pornography addiction

Research points to the pattern of most pornography and sexual addiction first manifesting during adolescence and young adulthood. A recent UCLA study found that 84% of adults in treatment for sexual addiction issues first experienced their problems during their adolescent and young adulthood years.   However, most individuals don’t seek treatment until later in life.  Additionally, a majority of adolescents in treatment for sexual behavior issues only sought help when the behavior resulted in legal problems such as an arrest for committing a sexual offense.  In the LDS community, often times, it is not until a young man is close to the age of serving a mission before he actively seeks help for a pornography addiction. Recent studies suggest that 93 % of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18.  70% of boys have spent at least 30 consecutive minutes looking at on-line porn on at least one occasion.  35% of boys have done this on at least ten occasions.  83% of boys have seen group sex on the internet.  67% of children admit to clearing their internet history to hide their online activity.  These findings suggest that many young people experience problems with pornography and other sexual issues, but don’t get help unless they get in trouble and wait until later in life when the problems become unmanageable.

As parents, church leaders and professionals, we need to do a better job of identifying youth who could benefit from treatment.  Too often we minimize potential problems rather than seeing the warning signals.  Only a small portion of an iceberg is visible above the surface, while the majority of the ice remains under the surface, unseen, creating the misperception that the iceberg is not very large.  This is similar to many young people’s struggles with sexual behaviors. Parents and church leaders can erroneously conclude that their child’s pattern of viewing pornography is not significant enough to seek professional help, and thus the child continues to develop an addiction to pornography by becoming more sophisticated in concealing his actions.  While it is not unusual for a teen to be curious about pornography, parents need to be cautious to not minimize the behavior when they begin to observe a pattern of viewing pornography.  It is also not unusual for teens to lie and go to great lengths to “cover their tracks” in an effort to keep their developing addiction hidden from others.  Often times, youth only provide information on what they suspect others already know and continue to conceal a large part of their behavior out of fear, shame and fear of the consequences.  Listed are behaviors that can suggest a possible problem with pornography:

—  Living a double or secret life related to pornography use.

—  Tendency to isolate self and stay up late at night on the internet.

—  Hiding or attempting to keep secret the viewing of pornography.

—  An inability to stop viewing pornography despite previous attempts to do so.

—  Denial and anger when asked to stop by parents and adults.

—  Continuing to view pornography despite the known consequences of continued   viewing.

—  Depression, irritability, anger.

—  Hypersexual attitude, vocabulary and behavior.

—  Overprotective of their technology (cell phone, I-pod, lap top, etc.)

Help for LDS teens struggling with pornography addiction is available.  Parents and bishops who have concerns or even suspicions can seek an evaluation with a Mending The Armor therapist to determine if their child would benefit from participation in the Mending The Armor program.

Three reasons why today’s youth are vulnerable to developing addiction to pornography

Mental health professionals are seeing a pattern of more and more teens and young adults seeking treatment for problems related to pornography addiction and its accompanying behaviors.   This pattern leads to the need for further analysis as to why this is occurring and what the long-term ramifications of this may be.  Studies already suggest that most adults struggling with sexual addiction first developed the addiction during adolescence.  Does this pattern predict an epidemic of future sexual addiction?

The Youth Pornography Addiction Center was founded in 2010 and has been studying this trend and providing treatment to teens and young adults in this area since that time.  Based on its experience, listed below are three reasons why this trend is occurring:

1. Access—Pornography has always been available, but until the age of the internet, had to be accessed in magazines, video tapes and often required entry into adult books stores and was difficult for teens to obtain.  Never before has sexually explicit material been so readily available and easily accessed.   A majority of teens and young adults have laptops, smart phones, I-pads and are constantly connected to the internet.  In a matter of seconds and virtually anywhere, pornography can viewed.  Internet porn is the medium by which most youth view pornography and most of it free of charge and without accountability for age of the viewer.
2. Potency of today’s Porn—There is a drastic difference between today’s online porn and the porn of just a few decades ago. Now, youth can go to countless websites and find more free porn than they could ever find the time to watch….all in high definition video. They can even pick their favorite template, hair color, sexual activity, and just watch video after video of it. It’s all free, easy to access, available within seconds, 24 hours a day, 7 days a
   week, and can be viewed on phones at any age.  Addicted teens find themselves driven to view more and more pornography and becoming more and more secretive and deceitful in their efforts to do so.  It is true that erotic photos and videos have been around a long time, but the dopamine arousal from turning the pages of a Playboy magazine can’t hold a candle to the steady stream of ever changing erotic stimulation that is so easily obtained from searching for and viewing online porn. This is why online erotica can create such powerful addictions in teens.  Today’s porn doesn’t satisfy teens’ needs; it distorts them. Teens are particularly vulnerable as the strength of the dopamine high is likely the strongest, most euphoric sensation they have ever experienced in their young lives. Skeptics need to understand this “high” rivals anything that could be achieved with drugs.
3. Diminished authentic relationships—The rising generation has been using technology on a daily basis for their entire lives and it is interfering with their ability to connect with others in a face to face and intimate manner.   Many teens text far more than they talk.  Some send more than 1000 texts a day.  Many teens spend hours and hours playing video games and interacting with “virtual friends” on Facebook while sitting at home alone and isolated from “real friends”.   Intimacy and connectedness can not occur in virtually or in cyberspace.  The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, which surveyed more than 12,000 high school students throughout the country, has noted that feelings of “connectedness” (feeling close to people at school, fairly treated by teachers, and loved and wanted at home) helped significantly to lower an individual’s likelihood of emotional distress, early sexual activity, substance abuse, violence, and suicide.  Another recent study found in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine has suggested that the more screen (computer, video game, cell phone) exposure teenagers get, the more detached they are from those round them.  There appears to be a relationship between adolescent screen time and the diminished social involvement with parents and peers.  Sexual addiction experts suggest that among the core issues driving the addiction is the lack of intimacy and fear of connectedness.

 Mending The Armor is an outpatient treatment program that has been specifically designed to provide youth and young adults with a formal approach for learning to manage and overcome an addiction to pornography and other unwanted sexual behaviors.  This program is currently being offered in twelve locations in the United States and Canada.  See the Locations page on the website to find an office near you.  If you are therapist interested in providing this service in your office, see the Become A Provider page for information on how to join the Mending The Armor network.

Early Intervention for Pornography Addiction—The Best Approach for Preventing Sexual Addiction

Renown psychologist and leader in the field of sexual addiction research and treatment Dr. Victor Cline concluded after many years of working with sexual addicts that “most sexual and pornography addictions begin in middle childhood or early adolescence.”

In recent years, treatment for adults struggling with sexual addiction has gained increased attention and focus from therapists.  However, little has been done relating to treatment services specific to youth.  It is certain that pornography is the gateway to sexual addiction.  It only then makes sense that the most effective way to prevent sexual addiction is to provide intervention to youth who are developing a pornography addiction.

In the LDS church, many young men struggling with pornography addiction do not seek help until they are in active preparation for serving a mission.  In some cases, these young men don’t participate in treatment; they simply use willpower to abstain from viewing pornography.  Unfortunately, many fall back into the addiction upon returning home from their missions.

Due to the onslaught of pornography on the internet and the ease of access, more and more children and teens are being exposed to pornography at a young age.  Pornography addiction can develop at a young age, and left untreated, can result in sexual addiction as an adult.  Recent studies and statistics shed light on just how big of a problem youth

pornography addiction is becoming:

93 % of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18.

70% of boys have spent at least 30 consecutive minutes looking at on-line porn on at least one occasion.

35% of boys have done this on at least ten occasions.

 83% of boys have seen group sex on the internet.

67% of children admit to clearing their internet history to hide their online activity.

79% of accidental exposures to internet porn among kids take place in the home.

The average age a child first sees internet pornography is 11.

 70% of young men ages 18-24 visit pornographic websites on at least a monthly basis.

 
Mending The Armor is an outpatient treatment program that has been specifically designed to provide LDS youth and young adults with a formal approach for learning to manage and overcome an addiction to pornography and other unwanted sexual behaviors.  This program is currently being offered in twelve locations in the United States and Canada.  See the Locations for page on the website to find an office near you.  If you are therapist interested in providing this service in your office, see the Become A Provider page for information on how to join the Mending The Armor network.

The pillars of a successful recovery for teen pornography addiction

A strong recovery plan is vital for teens striving to conquer pornography addiction. Because of the support and accountability provided by the treatment, many youth are able to keep their addiction in check during the time they are in treatment. The difficulty lies in the months and years following completion of treatment. One of the most important parts of the treatment process is the creation of a viable recovery plan.

Youth in the program are asked to consider the example of a building being able to endure and withstand the elements over time needs to be built with a strong support system. Many buildings are designed with pillars that bear the weight of the main structure of the building. These pillars have to be strong and firm. If one or more of the pillars is flawed or weak, then the building will not stand, but will eventually crumble. The four pillars that make up a successful recovery plan for teen pornography addiction are: Support, Success, Accountability and Insight. Youth are taught that in order remain abstinent from sexual addictions in the future, they need to develop these four pillars in their lives.

Significant time in the treatment process is spent assisting teens in building each of these four pillars. Youth in the program successfully complete treatment only when they have been able to put together a recovery plan that includes each of the four pillars.  Youth then complete their treatment with a formal, structured plan for their recovery which can guide them well beyond their time in the program.

Treating Pornography Addiction among Teens–Preventing a lifetime of future problems

In the field of substance abuse treatment, marijuana is often referred to as the “gateway” drug as many who become addicted to harder drugs first started with using marijuana as teens and then progressed into more illicit substances.

In the same way, pornography is the “gateway” to a multitude of relationship and sexual behavior problems that can destroy the promise of bright futures for youth.  Men who are addicted to pornography are not able to effectively function as husbands and fathers.  Without healthy husbands and fathers, our society will not thrive.  Our future hinges on young men who can become healthy, functioning husbands and fathers.  We need youth who can become men of integrity.

Helping young people learn to manage and overcome addiction to pornography is among the most important work in the field of youth treatment today.  In this work, we are helping to form youth who can become quality husbands and fathers who are free from sexual addiction.

Too many youth become addicted to pornography and carry this problem into adulthood where is prevents the formation of healthy relationships and often leads to infidelity, divorce, emotional problems and legal issues.  The key is to preventing this all too often occurrence is to catch it early.

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Intervening Early—Helping Teens to Combat Pornography Addiction

The earlier in life a teen decides to deal with this addiction, the less harm it will cause in their future.   many adults addicted to pornography say they wished they had dealt with the problem when they were still young because it would have saved them having to experience the pain and tragedy of what many adults addicted to pornography have to endure.  Additionally, the longer an addiction remains in place, the more difficult that addiction can be to break.  Breaking the addiction while still young is much easier than allowing the addiction to persist for many years.

A pornography addiction can be compared to having a heavy ball and chain attached to your leg.   These devices were historically used to physically restrain prisoners because they took away their freedom and made it difficult to escape from captivity.  A pornography addiction functions in the same way as it takes away your freedom and unless you can break the chains, leaves you in captivity to the images and the strong sexual feelings they trigger.

Research reveals that teens and young adults who consume online pornography are more likely to…

• Begin sexual activity earlier than peers
• Develop appetite for more graphic and deviant types of pornography
• Incur persistent emotional problems such as depression, shame and remorse
• Believe that the most gratifying sexual satisfaction is attainable without love or true affection
• Believe that being married or having a family are undesirable
• Develop sexual compulsions and addictive behaviors
• Believe that deviant sexual practices such as group sex and sadomasochism are common and normal.

The Breaking Free Workbook: Helping Youth Overcome Pornography Addiction

Since its publication in January 2011, the Breaking Free workbook has been instrumental in assisting hundreds of youth around the country overcome pornography addiction.  The workbook provides a systematic approach for youth to follow as they strive to break free from a habit to which they have been enslaved, sometimes for many years.  Together with participation in individual and group therapy, many youth have experienced great success in breaking free from pornography addiction.

The workbook is published by the Youth Pornography Addiction Center www.ypacenter.com and is the text that is used by therapists who run Mending The Armor and Star Guides outpatient programs.

The Breaking Free workbook is a twelve chapter text that leads youth to a greater understanding of pornography addiction including the brain science, the identification of underlying issues leading to the formation of an addiction and most importantly provides youth with specific strategies and guidance in learning to manage and overcome the addiction.

The last chapter of the workbook assists the young person in the creation of a long-term recovery plan that the youth can use in their efforts to abstain from relapse after they have completed treatment.

Youth Pornography Addiction Screening Tool

The Youth Pornography Addiction Screening Tool (YPAST) is an initial screening assessment tool for adolescents ages 12 to 18 with potential addiction to pornography.  It is being developed with adolescent clients in outpatient settings around the United States.  The YPAST provides a profile of responses that help to identify adolescents who are addicted to pornography.   Click Here to access the YPAST.  ​

15 Myths about Pornography for Teens

1. “Viewing pornography only affects me and does not affect others.” MYTH

As with other addictions, there is a ripple effect from the behavior and family members, friends and others suffer from the consequences of the addiction, often times with the addicted person being too blinded by the addiction to realize this. Young people addicted to pornography neglect important relationships to pursue their addiction.

2. “Pornography is a good way to deal with sexual urges without being sexually active.” MYTH

Pornography always increases sexual urges and sexual drive and makes it more likely for sexual acting out to occur. Most people agree that there are numerous negative consequences from young people becoming sexually active at an early age.

3. “Pornography is a harmless way to relax and unwind.” MYTH

Studies have shown that pornography is highly addictive and mind altering. Using pornography as an “unwinding” or stress relieving activity prevents the development of normal coping skills for stress and anxiety. This is particularly harmful for young people who should be developing healthy coping skills to learn to deal with stress.

4.“Pornography is a good way to gain information about sex.” MYTH

Sexual scenes depicted in pornographic movies are often shown in an exaggerated way and are presented as extremely exciting and arousing. These scenes portray an inaccurate and unrealistic view of sexual experiences often leaving those that anticipate similar experiences disappointed. Young people who have an unrealistic view of sexual experiences because of inaccurate pornographic depictions may find themselves comparing their future spouses to what they saw in pornographic images which may interfere with achieving a fulfilling marriage.

5. “Viewing pornography can decrease the significance and meaning of your sexual relationship with your future spouse.” FACT

Viewing pornography will desensitize your future sexual experience and lessen the meaning of sex in your future relationships. Young people who refrain from viewing pornography will find that their sexual relationships with a future spouse will be more rewarding and fulfilling if they have not been desensitized from pornography.

6. “Pornography depicts the individuals portrayed as objects rather than people.” FACT

Remember, each person that you look at is a daughter, sister, son or brother of someone. Would you want people looking at your own future wife, husband, daughter, sister, son or brother in a sexual way?

7. “Pornography will not increase my sexual urges.” MYTH

Viewing pornography will increase your sexual urges and thoughts. You will become preoccupied with sexual thoughts and find it difficult to focus on the things in your life that are really important

.8.“Viewing pornography dulls the conscience.” FACT

Your ability and willingness to distinguish right from wrong are affected by viewing pornography making it easier to justify irresponsible and deceitful behavior. You may find yourself making excuses and deceiving yourself about activities in which you did not participate. During your youth, having a strong conscience is critical as you make important decisions that will impact the rest of your life.

9.“Pornography will not affect the priorities I have in my life.” MYTH

Viewing pornography will eventually become the most important activity in your life. The things in your life that should be most important such as family, school, socializing with friends, extra-curricular activities and participation in religious activities will become less important and a lower priority than your pornography addiction.

10.“Pornography distances one from God and Spirituality.” FACT

It becomes increasingly difficult to feel connected to God while viewing pornography. Feelings of darkness and discouragement will replace the light in your soul. This is especially important as developing spirituality as a young person will assist you in making many of the important decisions that you will be making about your future life.

11. “Viewing pornography can literally cause damage to the brain.” FACT

Recent scientific research is showing evidence that viewing pornography changes the composition of the brain in a manner similar to the effects that drugs have on the brain. Most young people realize the harmful effect of drugs on the brain, but far fewer realize that viewing pornography can have the same effects.

12. “Pornography can be viewed if it is done in way that doesn’t interfere with other life activities.” MYTH

Pornography is addictive to the point that you will begin to find yourself wasting hours in front of the computer or television and spending large amounts of time, energy and money supporting the addiction. You may be able to start out by occasional viewing, but in time, you will begin to neglect school work, spending time with family and friends and putting off other things in favor of viewing pornography.

13. “I can stop looking at pornography once I get into a serious relationship.” MYTH

Because of the nature of addiction, giving up the habit is more difficult than you think and will have an impact on your future relationships. In addition, if you are addicted to pornography, you may miss out on the opportunities to develop the personal characteristics that will allow you to be a part of a successful serious relationship such as a healthy marriage.

14. “Viewing pornography can lower my self-esteem and affect my self-confidence.” FACT

The addiction cycle moves on a downward spin, and the level of happiness and life satisfaction decreases with continued addiction. Viewing pornography brings quick and fleeting pleasure, but after the euphoria of the moment is gone, it leaves you feeling depressed and discouraged about continuing to engage in the behavior when your intention was to stop.

15. “Pornography is not really addictive. You just have to decide to stop looking.” MYTH

While choosing to not look is important, the power of the addiction is strong enough that many young people continue to look at pornography despite attempts and efforts to stop looking. Young people who believe that they can simply decide to stop looking may be in denial about how strong the addictive nature of pornography actually is.

Pornography use among teens…..a developmental issue, not simply a moral issue.

For many years, religious organizations were at the forefront of championing the cause of vilifying pornography and suggesting that its influence was immoral and destructive.  This has led to the erroneous belief among many, that pornography use is a “moral” or a “religious issue’.  While it is clear that pornography can be highly destructive to one’s spirituality and morality, increasing evidence suggests that pornography can be disruptive to child and teen development in a variety of areas.

The paradigm regarding pornography use, particularly its impact on children and teens, needs to shift toward the problem not simply being a moral issue, but rather a developmental issue with potential long-lasting negative consequences.

The following are noted characteristics that have been found in teens who have developed a habit of regularly viewing pornography:

• Viewing and/or masturbating to internet pornography on a daily basis.

Staying up late at night to be alone to view pornography and then having trouble waking up for school.

• Loss of interest in school and extracurricular activities.

• Diminished interest in socialization and outside activity with peers including dating.

• Secrecy with behavior, particularly with technology, and increased isolation including long periods of time alone in their bedroom with the door locked.

• Pattern of lying to parents and other adults about on-line activities including deleting browser history, viruses on computers, etc.

• A diminished empathy toward others and lack of interest in family activities.

• Development of hypersexual attitude, language and possible sexually inappropriate interests.

Each of these characteristics along with a host of other unmentioned characteristics impede the developmental process of youth who become addicted to pornography.  Those youth who become addicted to pornography are typically unable to break free from the addiction on their own.  In many cases, the addiction is kept secret and continues into adulthood and eventually becomes a contributor to depression, marital problems and legal problems.

The good news is that youth who become addicted and get help, are able to break free from the addiction.

Viewing the problem as a developmental issue, rather than simply a moral issue is an important first step.  Educating parents and professionals about the importance of screening for possible addiction comes next. Then, developing and implementing treatment options specific to children and teens who have become addicted becomes the focus.